Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Sandy Hook Hoax Part 1: For The Novice Conspiracy Nut

I've been meaning to start a blog for a while, and what finally got me off my ass? The bizarre prevalence of the "Sandy Hook was a hoax" conspiracy theory. What makes this particular crackpot idea special, you ask? Well, it's become so widely shared on social networks that people who don't generally pay attention to conspiracy theories are giving it consideration, simply because they're seeing it so much. Does this sound like you? Read on! For the already initiated Alex Jones devotees, I'll throw up an almost certainly pointless Part 2 for you later.

I don't feel the need to debunk the whole mess piece by piece. That's already been done thoroughly by lots of people with way more spare time on their hands than I. For example: Snopes has this one, and if you don't trust them, a quick Google search for "Sandy Hook hoax debunked" will provide you with 356,000 other results.
I'm not here to judge. I understand that the reason so many people are getting fitted for their tin foil hats these days is that the theories are compelling on the surface, and because there is some very real fuckery afoot with our government, but if this is your first conspiracy theory, allow me to point out a couple of things before you dive headlong into it.

I: Occam's Razor

Simply put, if your choices are "lone nut went on killing spree" or "evil fascist government hired 50 actors and got thousands of people in a small town to agree to carry out an elaborate hoax so they can steal your guns and enslave us all", the former is more likely to be true, you know, like, scientifically and shit.

II: People Make Shit Up On The Internet

Really, they do. Some people enjoy making up complete nonsense, perhaps even going so far as to fabricate evidence for it, just for the entertainment value of watching a bunch of rubes run around like beheaded chickens freaking out about it. These people are called trolls, and there are an awful lot of them out there. For example.

III: They Know You Won't Look It Up

Throughout the most popular video on the "hoax" the narrator tells you something is true, and says "look it up for yourself" when he could easily insert the alleged evidence into the video. People like this know that their invitation to check it out for yourself is almost as good as actual evidence. For example, Alex Jones frequently tells his listeners that the government admits to having Anwar Al Awlaki over for dinner at the Pentagon specifically to conspire together for more false flag terror attacks. They not only admit this, but it's even reported by CBS news! Look it up yourself! I did, and, um, not so much. I suspect very few of his listeners have looked it up, and I suspect he's very aware of that.

IV: Successful Conspiracies Are Small Conspiracies

The first question to ask yourself about any conspiracy theory is how many people had to be recruited and depended upon to keep their mouths shut. In the case of Sandy Hook, it would be half of the town, including cops, paramedics, hospital staff, school staff, and a whole buttload (technical term) of professional actors. This more or less leads us to:

V: When In Doubt, Ask HOW They Did It

A lot of conspiracies are quite compelling until you ask just how "They" pulled it off. Sandy Hook completely falls apart under this scrutiny. The primary theory seems to be that no one was actually killed, and the whole thing was faked. There's only one still pic of children at the school, and it's probably from some other event. So here's how this has to work:
  • All the kids had to not be there on a school day, but none of their parents can be allowed to point out their kids had the day off. I'm sure that won't be a problem.
  • A substantial number of professional actors had to be approached, hired, and depended upon to never speak of this. Sorry, you can never appear in movies or on TV, and we can't keep hiring you for further government hoaxes. Both would destroy the illusion.
  • Most of the police in this small town had to be on board with this plan. Lucky that worked out.
  • The guy that found six kids on his lawn? Actor. They totally had that guy buy that house and live there for years in preparation.
  • Not one person in this fairly small town actually knows anybody that lost a child in this fake tragedy, but surely no one will notice. I'm sure they also won't notice that no one in their relatively small community seems to know these not-sad-enough parents who are all over TV. 

VI: With Every Major Disaster Comes Conflicting Reports

Unfortunately, our news media is driven by ratings, and therefore is not always (read: pretty much never) completely responsible in these situations. In the struggle to keep you watching their network, reporters will blurt out every new piece of information they get without properly vetting it. What you get is a bunch of reports that don't add up. Was there a second shooter, or just the one? Did he leave the AR-15 in the car, or was it the only weapon used? These inconsistencies are not evidence of conspiracy. They're evidence of our news media being a broken, ridiculous mess. 

VII: Finally, And Most Importantly, 


This shouldn't even need to be said, but clearly, it does. The kind of person that devotes their time to making a video like this is the kind of person that believes everything Alex Jones says. In case you're not aware, Alex thinks EVERYTHING is a government plot, including Hurricane Katrina and Fukushima. Whenever there is a tragic event, tune in to his show, and I guarantee you, he will be pondering the possibilities of a government plot. 
So much of the "evidence" for the hoax theory is simply bad research (such as Gene Rosen, the found-6-kids-on-his-lawn guy having the same name as a professional actor, but clearly not being the same person), or taken from seriously whack job sources, such as (which I'm not linking to, because it keeps making by browser freeze. Copy and paste at your own risk), which, as Snopes says, is also trying to convince everyone that Hitler and Walt Disney were not real people, but rather Theodore Roosevelt's son playing both parts. Cool story, bro.

In Conclusion

Believe it or not, I watched the video in question with a completely open mind, as I do with any other theory. I found it to be the most laughably ridiculous crock of shit in recent memory, but if you still have your doubts, you're entitled to that, I suppose. Can I get you to consider one thing though? That if you're wrong, and the official story is 100% true, that the families who just had their friends, family, and 20 small children murdered probably don't need a horde of assholes on the internet accusing them of being actors to boot? If you just have some doubts, maybe keep them to yourself until some actual evidence comes out. That is all.

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